You Never Forget Your First Time

Like I mentioned in my first post for this site--Oh, you didn't read it? You totally should. It's not a bad origin story--I made this promise to myself back when I was twelve that someday I would write and publish a real book. Well, forty-four years later I did. As Writer's Retreat is my debut novel, all of this is brand new to me. Literally, all of this. When I thought about writing a book, I was naturally fixated on writing the story: Getting an idea that really sparked me, outlining it all out, working through the details, wordsmithing my way through version after version, etc. You know, writer stuff. I didn't really think too much about what happened next. It was almost as if I didn't want to jinx the writing part by letting myself start thinking about the publishing part. It's kind of like (and this goes back to my soccer self) you don't start thinking about the next match until you play the one you have right now, because if you do, you often don't play as well...like losing 1-4 to a team that really isn't three goals to the better than you. But I digress.

It only took me three months to finish the first draft of Writer's Retreat, which is a very short period of time to write a novel. In all fairness, the book is only 150 pages long and that's by design but still, pretty quick. I showed a draft to a select group of friends and the responses were very encouraging:

"I can totally hear your voice when I read it."

"Dude, your book made me cry. Thanks, F*cker." This is actually extraordinarily high praise if you know my buddy.

"You might think about getting this published."

But I think it was my wife's comments that finally took me from "really loving this feedback energy" to "I think I can actually do this." We expect our spouses to be supportive, but there was something in the way she said, "This is really good" (emphasis on the third word, kind of drawn out) as opposed to, "This is really good" (no real emphasis on any of the words.) She also added another comment that I really want to include here but it's kind of a spoiler for the end of the novel and so I won't, but I can say that this other comment did motivate me to write the twelfth chapter, which I think made the ending waaaay better. My original draft had the story conclude at the end of Chapter Eleven and it was fine, I think, but Becki's eight word comment really inspired me to the point I was able to write the new last chapter in one or two nights almost immediately. I showed it to her the same evening I finished it.

She nodded. "Yeah, that's it."

So then I had a story I liked and that other people seemed to genuinely like, too. What should I do next?

The answer was...nothing. For like a year. Life gets in the way, you know? There was work and this hiking trip to Switzerland and soccer and all sorts of stuff. Plus, I was really concerned that the abbreviated length of 150 pages was a non-starter for publishing it as a standalone novel. I had this vision of writing three stories, of which Writer's Retreat would be the third, all set in Oregon and together I would combine them together into one great super novel...like Voltron: Defender of the Universe with his five separate mecha-robots that combined into one super robot! Except there would only be three stories, not five, and none of the characters would really carry over from story to story. But they would all be set in Oregon. I was going to call it my Cascadia Triptych. However, book number two, a love story about two young people who only see each other once a year when they run the Hood to Coast Relay over the course of 7-8 years, was going to be like 300 pages long and the last story, which ironically was going to be the first story, was also going to be 250 - 300+ pages...if I figured out the ending. Or most of the characters. And large portions of the plot.

Even as I labored on the Hood to Coast story, I kept coming back to Writer's Retreat. I'd change a thing here and tweak a section there but generally, I still really liked it. It's like when you look back at old photos of yourself and think, "Ugh, I hated that shirt" or "My hair looked stupid, what was I thinking?" except that I generally was still very satisfied with most everything about Writer's Retreat.

At some point, maybe a year after I "finished" my story, I made the decision to try and publish it. I was very firm in my decision to self-publish, or some hybrid version of self-publishing. This was a promise to myself from 1982. I wasn't out to try and conquer the bestseller lists or sell 10,000 copies or have it be optioned by a Hollywood celebrity and turned into a feature film--although I'm not necessarily opposed to any of those results, ahem--I just wanted to see my name on the spine of a real book. As I researched various self-publishing and hybrid publishing options, I chanced up on Luminare Press, based out of Eugene, Oregon.

Huh. Eugene. I lived in Eugene! The main character from Writer's Retreat is from Eugene! Kismet!

Nervously, I booked an appointment to discuss this project and learn more about what Luminare Press could do to help me make this 44-year long dream come true.

Patricia Marshall, Owner and Editor, was wonderful. As we talked through what they do and what I'd written, my nerves calmed and I felt like this wasn't a weird hope for me after all. At some point in the conversation, when I mentioned I was in Beaverton and lived in Eugene for seven years, Patricia commented, "We love working with local authors."

And there it was. The first of many firsts I'd get to experience over the next four or five months: Someone called me an author. It was like when I got called "sir" for the first time. I will never forget that small little comment and the weight it carried with it. I doubt Patricia would even recall saying it if you asked her, but there it was. I was an author.

And so the process of going from a Word document to a real book with my name on the spine started. The entire team at Luminare Press--from Kim to Sallie to Paul to Kristen and Caitlin--were supportive, collaborative, and so good about explaining the process, how long it would take, and what I needed to do next. I never wondered what was happening or whether I needed to take a specific action. For a newbie local author, they made it so easy and along that journey, I got to experience all of the new firsts that come with publishing a debut novel.

First time I submitted my manuscript. Doesn't seem like a big deal, does it? Just attach a file to an email and hit send. But it was for me. That represented me sending out my words into the world beyond the relatively safe confines of friends and family. What if they read it and thought, "Oh, dear...?" They didn't. At least, as far as I know.

First time I got edits back. What would it be like to have someone go through your work, your heart and soul poured into a document, and then tear it apart? I've worked in architecture for three decades so I'm used to people critiquing and commenting on my work, but this would be different. This was intimate. Personal. With architecture, there are codes and budgets and schedule issues and a host of other factors that can impact the final result. But my words are just my words. I can't blame a bad character on a required ADA clearance or terrible dialogue on a tariff that makes it too expensive. No, bad characters and terrible dialogue were all solely on me. And yet, never in my life have I wanted someone to point out everything I did wrong so badly. When I got the email back from the editor, I took a pause and a breath before clicking it open. As with all Luminare Press communications, there were clear directions on what I was receiving, how to accept or discard any changes, how to reformat the final document, etc.

Paul's edits were...minimal. His comments were...kind. I would love to share his exact words, but that would be another spoiler so let me just say that the majority of the edits were punctuation related, involving en dashes and em dashes or commas vs. semi-colons. I had a half-dozen misspelled words, a couple of thoughtful word choice recommendations to strengthen the tone and language. Even one or two compliments. He commented that there was nothing structurally wrong with the story and added a personal comment to the effect of, "I grew up in that area and am very familiar with many of the places you describe in your novel. It was fun to rediscover them again."

I literally fist-pumped the air at my desk at work during my lunch hour.

First time I saw a draft of my cover. Kristen helped me work to develop the front and back cover layout. The artwork itself was provided by my friend and former colleague Brianna, herself an artist, based upon a specific scene from the book and using a specific media that has a very direct connection to the story. Kristen sent me several options incorporating Brianna's artwork that helped make my novel more real. Working in architecture, I'm very familiar with graphics, composition and layout, so I had a very specific vision of what I wanted. Kristen easily worked within that and never tried to move me towards a direction I did not want.

First time selecting a font. I'm kind of a font nerd, so...Fonts! Fonts! Fonts!

First time getting an actual draft copy of my book. This was a very good day. My wife took a video of me unwrapping the delivery package when the first draft copy arrived. Full disclosure: I had been tracking the driver on the app and literally met him at the door with eager, outstretched hands. "This is a copy of a book I wrote and this the first time I've got to see in print!" I exclaimed, joyfully snatching the prize from him.

Delivery driver: "Umm, I need to take a photo of the package on the doorstep to prove it was delivered."

Me: "Can I pose with it?"

Him: "No."

The video, which I guess is technically a "unboxing" video, is mostly me chuckling like an idiot while I open the packaging and then chuckling some more as I flip through the pages. At some point, I literally smell the pages and say something like, "Mmm...new book smell. It's like new car smell for your brain."

First "Oh sh*t, I just noticed a mistake" moment. Right after the book became available to purchase, my wife was going through and said, "Hey, did you change the main character's name?" Yes, but it was relatively early in the process.

Me: "Uh, why?"

Becki: "Because in the book he's Andy McCollum but on the back cover it says Andy McConnell."

I look on the online link advertisement that displays the back cover. Oh sh*t. I had totally missed that. Much swearing ensues.

Becki: "It sounds really similar. I'm sure no one will notice."

Me: [I AM A FAILURE!]

Of course, this happened on a Saturday and so I had a whole weekend to agonize over this typo. When I finally reached out to Luminare, the team efficiently and quickly updated the change. I think only one copy got sold with the misprint and I know who bought it, so congratulations to my friend who has the rare Collector's Edition! Your copy is not worth $12.95, it's worth $11.95!

So I have the dubious distinction of being an author WHO MISSPELLED HIS OWN CHARACTER'S NAME!

Note: The online AI description generator for a specific vendor still references the incorrect last name, but that's actually helped me weed through bulk AI email inquiries who think "your book would really be a good fit for our group because..." and then repeat my plot summary back to me from my own back cover.

First time someone asked me to sign a copy of my book. I was having lunch with a friend--a structural engineer, like Andy McCollum/McConnell, no less!--and he pulled out

a copy of Writer's Retreat. "Would you sign this?" It is a humbling and totally incredible feeling to have someone ask for your autograph. I didn't expect to be so moved by the moment. Not knowing if I should just sign it, do a clever quip like we did in high school yearbooks circa 1988, or go full heartfelt, personalized tribute, I opted for the latter.

First time someone sent me a photo holding my book. This was another one that caught me off-guard with how much it made me feel the feels. After I announced via social media the book was available for order, I got a bunch of supportive texts of people screen-shotting their orders. That was very cool, but it wasn't until I got a photo of someone actually posing with my book that I felt myself get emotional again. A relative and a friend both sent me pictures proudly displaying my little novel from cruise ships. Apparently, the modest length of Writer's Retreat makes it an ideal vacation read because you can get through it in a few hours. I'm huge on the Lido deck, baby!

There are several other first time moments associated with this whole journey and I'm not ashamed to admit how many times my eyes have watered up a little over the last two months. I'm just so pleased with every one of the experiences that have come with this endeavor and hope I never forget them...

...including First time I got rejected by my local national chain bookseller to have some copies of my book in their store even though it is already available on their online website for purchase! "Thank you for your interest but regretfully, your title does not meet our business model standards for in-store display at this time." I literally need 1" of shelf space for two copies. I guess I'm good enough to date but not good enough to marry. Whatever.